RIP Mercedes Grabowski

“Born Mercedes Grabowski in Nova Scotia, Canada, in 1994, Ames had found her way to the adult-film PF industry” (https://www.google.com/amp/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5153965/amp/Porn-star-August-Ames-23-dead.html)
 Truly, this news forces one to contemplate the nature of life and death in our dehumanizing, spectacle-filled world. Perhaps, assuming free will, we really do have to take responsibility for the lives we live and how we treat others; most, including Albert Camus, would call this a basic sense of ethics and simple, human decency. I met Mercedes Grabowski aka August Ames once, when she visited nyc. She struck me as an infectiously joyous and lascivious young woman. But, as the inscription on Jim Morrison’s gravestone implies, we all have our demons to whom we must stay true (“ΚΑΤΑ ΤΟΝ ΔΑΙΜΟΝΑ ΕΑΥΤΟΥ, literally meaning ‘according to his own daemon’ and usually interpreted as ‘true to his own spirit’”). Sadly, Morrison’s family also had to bury a child who died before reaching the age of 30. This world, of our post-Columbus polluted paradigm, seems to thrive on feeding off of the energy of young people—most dramatically those who find themselves bathed in the burning hot, bright lights of fame with a particularly vibrant tradition in soul-sucking California. Let me avoid getting overly philosophical. Practically speaking, Mercedes Grabowski's clearly tragic life speaks volumes about her specific struggles, including sexual abuse and cyber bullying, and on a larger scale about why if possible we must, with swadeshi and every possible means, discover and practice more harmonious and holistically viable ways of living, thus pleasurably and happily. And if anything does exist in the realms that Alan Watts spoke so much about--tat tvam asi--I hope Mercedes Grabowski as part of the Oneness of our Existence wakes up in a better part of the Celestial Experience and dream; her life brought and will continue to bring enlightenment to all conscious minds—Thank You Very Much.

Towards a New(er) (internal) (viscerally based) Compass of Sexual Behaviour (ie Sexual Ethics Conventionally Speaking)

 Practically speaking, though I didn’t know her in any meaningful interpersonal way and thus think it’s presumptuous to claim to be in mourning, Mercedes Grabowski’s death has definitely thrown off my usual libido-based, no holds and holes barred (at least in porno viewing) approach to my coed sexual amusement andor satisfaction. Truly, it’s worth noting that given my largely (still) predetermined weltanschauung / view of Creation and my naturally Wu Wei approach, strongly correlative to such a world view, I don’t really believe in morality and even more ethics—as such perspectives are obnoxiously in conflict with / contradict the amoral predetermined Veritas of our often exceedingly painful and satanic universe. However, if only briefly, per my human emotions, I feel compelled to refrain from viewing porn (knowing full well that per past experiences, said Id-based tendencies will probably rear back up stronger than ever before in some brutal tsunami effect, should I live long enough). And for this almost guaranteed return, and its inevitable drain on my time and energy, I am not looking forward. But beyond me, I think it’s auspicious that Mercedes’ tragic death has occurred in the current climate of unending accusations of sexual harassment—of late primarily against rich, (elite / powerful) white males. Funny now that I think of it a natural addendum to my working thesis that this has emerged as an extended collective protest against the rise of Trump (to the Presidency?) and the concurrent amplification of raunch culture is that when it was mainly the sad story of accusations against Cosby, it was arguably some collective unconscious expression of backlash against Obama and other apparently disproportionately powerful black males (which is obviously still a rare phenomenon in goddamned racist America). Oh snap, gotta edit my billionaires page. Yeah so white women—in particular—seem committed to voicing their demand for a more equitable society (which is a fine sentiment) by attacking the formerly sacred cow of powerful white male colleagues. Fine with me (a largely downtrodden black man who at best can hope to die in a tent on some tropical beach somewhere preferably and luckily PF as a rastitute \ hopefully dreadlocks again gigolo for Gorgeous healthy wealthy female tourists). I wish them more power in disrupting the almost infinitely boring spectacle that has emerged concurrently with post-Columbus goddamned capitalist societies. How horribly painfully boring how this shit system forces virtually everyone to be if one hopes to have even some money to pay? For food and essentials. Like I’ve said in past writing, in the current completely bullshit societal set up, only prostitutes can hope to not get penalized monetarily for following through with our cursed human libido instincts. I mean vs the lives of happy, relatively peaceful and certainly holistic \ sustainable Tropical Islanders, including the Ciboneys, indigenously \ archetypally, it really stuns me what a horrible almost unbearable insult to our human nature the current urbanized hell is. Wtf?! Well clearly there are too many members of our cancerous human species but is maintaining some brutal commodified sexually frustrated society the best way to keep overpopulation in check? I don’t think so. And you know what, just go to swinglifestyle or any other online hotbed of loose women; females, especially so-called middle class white women, aren’t fooling anyone. They remain as whorish—even more so post feminism and pornification \ raunchification (sounds like a Chili Peppers PF album, wow makes me think of the approximately 2 grand worth of CDs that I lost since 2008?)—as ever. It’s just that, almost collectively, it seems like it’s hip of late to condemn any borderline sketchy (including prima facie consensual as was the case it seems with at least some of Matt Lauer's extramarital escapades, who knew between him and Charlie Rose that such seemingly boring and formerly unassailable popular figures were actually bedroom bullies / raging sexual perverts!!) sexual interactions in the workplace (/ initiated in some job based environment andor during some professional interaction). Maybe we need a string of female andor Asian political leaders to help to assuage the anger of these loose women who still seem perfectly fine with allowing groups of random dudes, including perpetually negatively stigmatized black males such as myself, to gang bang them at sex parties and clubs; let’s not even get started with all the random, largely anonymous hook ups that are occurring in bar bathrooms and on college campuses across this country (and the rest of the sadly haole dominated world) right now. Of course as a historically lame graduate of Williams College I would know nothing of this except for very transient \ ephemeral experiences that stand in sharp contrast to the rest of my largely boring, cursed? Vs PADF being lucky more TAO thus Wu Wei PF MLC PADF practicing hermitic moneyfree living at least 4 days per week easily. Maybe August Ames is the lucky one (no longer having to endure this hypocritical, insane mess of a world). And for all of this and to everyone, I say: Thank you very much. Without you all, I could never have known such a completely fucked up world. Solipsistic, yeah right—no single consciousness except the most sadistic and satanic could have come up with this shit on its own. But I still do have a soft spot for the genius work of Axel Randrup and his instantaneous (ie in the moment focused) take on Idealist Philosophy. So once again, Thank You Very Much!